FRANCISCUS HENRI - The Gospels of Saint A.Pocryphal

THE BOOK OF PRIESTS

2011-01-31T17:39:00.009+11:00

The purpose of the Book of Priests in unclear, it may serve as a parable.
There is no evidence that the priests ever existed - the after life experiences of these priests can't be validated. It is possible that these are early examples of anti- religious propaganda

page xxi paragraph iv

A devout and pious preacher took his congregation of thirty men, women and children out to sea in a boat.
“God will protect us from the elements” he cried.
"I have spoken to God and I know that he cares for all who love him,
no harm will befall even the smallest."
"I know God and he will keep his eye on us as he does the sparrow."
“I shoot sparrows” said a rough looking boy “Do you think God minds?” he asked the preacher.
“God has given man dominion over all of nature” said the preacher “ as long as you believe in God, all is well”
Whereupon a large fish knocked the boat over and it sank with all on board.

page xxii paragraph iiv

A priest responsible for the death of hundreds of people through religious persecution died and went to heaven.
When he got to the gates of heaven there was a large sign that said “GOD ONLY LOVES ATHEISTS”

Page xxvii paragraph xii

Father Thomas Twijfel, though carrying out his duties as a priest with care and devotion
and deeply loved by his congregation, felt deep in his heart that God did not exist.
The word "atheist" never crossed his lips and the purpose of his life was never in question.
When he died peacefully, he went to heaven. Upon arrival, he found there was no one there.
He was content.

Page xxvii paragraph xx

A paedophile priest, would quote the Gospel of Saint Matthew to justify his heinous deception. “Suffer the children to come unto me” he would say. And some children in suffering, would. The parents of one of his victims, having read the Gospel of Saint Matthew chapter 18;6 , went to a stone mason and had a millstone made. They took the priest on a picnic on the beach, there they hung the millstone around the neck of the priest and he was never seen again.

THE BOOK OF PROPHECIES

2007-12-14T17:13:00.003+11:00

Saint Antonius Pocryphal makes no claim to be a prophet.
The writings in this book appear to be translations from the writings of
Predikant Onzin.
Predikant was a fisherman and a visionary in the early church on the Dutch coast,
near the current location of Scheveningen.
After his death in 752 he was,for a short time, Sainted and considered the Patron Saint of net weavers and labyrinth makers.
However he was later judged to be a heretic and posthumously excommunicated.
Saint Antonius had in his possession the only surviving book written by Predikant
It is believed he later lost it in a fire caused by a domestic accident involving a goose and a vat of hot oil. It should be of interest that Predikant Onzin wrote what is perhaps the first Christian Joke - perhaps the reason for his excommunication

Jesus walks into a Christian tavern and orders an ale. A patron who recognises him excitedly shouts "JESUS CHRIST" and is thrown out for swearing

Vision One

And it shall be that on the feast of our Lords birth the myth of a false prophet of goodwill and cheer, shall arise.
The prophet will be celebrated on the same day as the birth of our Saviour.
In general belief and cultural practice The Myth will replace the purpose of the Christmas celebrations
He will take upon himself acts of generosity performed by others.
Children will believe him to be the source of gifts. Adults will encourage their children to believe this deception. Many (both men and women) will publicly wear the attire of this man and many children will believe these to be the personification of this man. Occasionally children will recognize the deception but on expressing it will be threatened with the withdrawal of gifts.
Children’s behaviour will be modified in a similar manner throughout the year before the feast of our Lords birth.
Though parents grant the gifts by placing them in a corner of the house under a decorated tree, they will deny this and refute their expressions of generosity towards their children.
The false prophet shall be named “Santa” – (derived from the word Satan.)
And his attire is red clothing and hat. His head and face shall be covered with long uncut hair.
He will be said to fly through the air by means of a reindeer drawn sled.

Footnote; by Antonius.
This would seem unlikely and such paganism would never be permitted.

Vision seven

Illumination page xxiv

A Prophet Yet To Come

A man shall come from the new world.
He shall have flowing hair and his names will be that of the goat and of bad meat of the swine.
He shall travel throughout the world proclaiming the word of God.
He shall cross the ocean by traveling through the clouds.
He shall call upon God in the name of Jesus Christ.
He will call all to repentance and simplicity.
His wealth will be great.
His friends will be the rich and powerful.
He will be seated with kings and emperors and they shall call him friend.
His latter days shall be dark days of confusion and bewilderment.
Such are the ways of man not God.

Footnote; by Antonius.
In the regards to the aspects of a new world and reference to flight,
this would appear to be mystical,rather than an actual prophecy.
He may be inferring a fallen angel. (name of the goat) something satanic.

Vision Five

A poem for which Saint Antonius can find no biblical or theological reference
he writes " I believe that this short poem written by Onzin may be prophetic
and written as a future revelation.

A fundamentalist Christian
Opened her Bible To Pray
Down came a Spong
And sat down beside her
And frightened the Christian away.

Vision Eleven

Page xxxiii

THE DEVIL IN A BOAT

The devil disguised him self as the goat headed god Amun and went rowing on lake Contrary. On the beach he saw a man who was very rich. This man was always frightened that one day he would lose his wealth, so always carried his gold and silver with him in a shoulder bag. Because he always dressed as a pauper no one ever suspected he was wealthy nor that he was carrying his wealth with him.
The devil called to him “Hey poor man would you like to walk on the water? It’ll cost you nothing – but your soul”
“I would” said the man, because he wanted everything, especially if it was free.
“Come on then” called the devil “Walk over and join me in my boat – but leave your bag on the beach”. The rich man shook his head “I can’t leave my bag, I am a poor man and everything I own is in there”. “Suit your self” cried Satan “ you always do – but I advise against it,” and under his breath he mumbled “you’ll be just as happy in my boat with nothing”
The man started to walk towards the boat, he was amazed – he was walking on the water. “Hurry up” called the devil “You’re sinking”.
The man realized it was true and started to panic, he realized he was slowly sinking into the water, deeper and deeper he sank and it was harder to walk. “Throw away the bag you idiot” were the last words he heard.

The devil rowed on singing “ Oh, if the Devil don’t get you your money will”

From THE BOOK OF BEGINNINGS

2007-11-01T16:36:00.000+11:00

THE WHOLE CATASTROPHE

a painting by Anthonius depicting various religious icons.

Chapter II

THE APPLE

God had created man, Adam and his woman Eve. He had given them a free will and now when he heard them laughing in the garden he wondered what it was they were doing.
When ever he visited them they recognised him and would greet him,"Hello our Father who was in heaven"
He decided that he should disguise himself so that he could observe them without them knowing. It would need to something simple, not pompous and yet with beauty and dignity.
And so it was that God disguised himself as an apple.

Portrait of God (as an apple)

Chapter xxxi

EVE AND THE DEVIL

Adam and Eve had just been created.
They spent most of the days getting to know each other and their new surroundings. Adam named a few animals and Eve searched through the forest discovering all kinds of edible fruits and plants.
They were sitting under an acorn tree when Adam said, “Why can’t we ever see God?”
Eve had thought about it but had come to the conclusion that as they were happy and content it wasn’t worth further thought.
“I can hear him you know” said Adam. Eve looked bewildered “God? You can hear God?” “Yes”-said Adam “I can hear him above the trees”
“Above the trees? That’s not God, that’s the wind”
“No I can hear God” insisted the naked man “And I’m going to find him”.
“ What are you going to do?” asked Eve beginning to feel the first pangs of doubt about her role as the man’s companion.
“We are going to cut down some trees so we can see him” “We?” asked Eve biting the end off a banana.
Adam set to work; he made some tools out of stones bound to sticks, and began his task of cutting down trees. By chance of hitting two stones together, he created a spark and set some dry wood on fire. Having created fire his task was easier and he set whole areas of the forest on fire. The amount of smoke he created darkened the sky and he still couldn’t see God.
“It’s alright” he reassured Eve, who now had to resort to collecting meager plants and digging for roots to eat. “When the smoke clears we will see him”

The bare blackened landscape was stark and foreboding, the sun burnt down from a metal blue sky.
“You know” said Adam, scratching his sooty black crutch “ I think, we’ve been looking in the wrong place, I think we should go in the direction of those mountains and look there”
Eve sighed and ate the last remaining apple. “I don’t know about God” she thought “but I think I’ve found the devil”

Chapter XXXX

THE SACRIFICE OF ABRAHAM

Abraham arose from his bed early one morning and spoke in a reverent voice to God,
“God today I will demonstrate my total love and devotion to you. God replied “Thank you Abe’ and what is it that you have in mind to do?” Abraham looked up and said
“ I will go from here to a high place and there I will sacrifice my son Isaac, as a devotion to you!” “ Really?” said God “And why would you want to do that?”
“ Because” said Abraham “He is your gift to me and I want to return to you what I love most on this earth”
There was a short pause and God was heard to take in a short breath
“Won’t the boy be upset?" Abraham shook his beard “ I assure you God, that he is a devoted son and will agree with what I want”
“Abraham my friend” said God “you must understand that, though I admire your devotion, it is well beyond my expectation that you kill your son. Human sacrifice is hardly what I had in mind when I created mankind, in fact We are beginning to wonder where this whole idea of sacrifice came from, it always ends in death and some times not just the animal.”
There was another pause; Abraham stroked his beard in quiet agitation.
God continued to speak in low tone “Take the Cain and Abel story, two people sacrifice to me, not something I’d expected and then the wind changes…. (This was not my doing) and the next thing we have a misunderstanding about me not accepting a sacrifice and one brother kills another..So you see Abraham, We are, to say the least, ambivalent about the whole sacrifice thing.”
Abraham stood silent for a long time “I think God that you should let me worship you in the way I want. You know I worship you but I feel I need to atone for the wrongs I’ve done” God interrupted…”Abraham, you have done no wrong, and for what you have done wrong, you are forgiven” Abraham stamped his foot “That’s not good enough! How can you say that! Its not that I don’t trust your word God, but I need a sign, blood for sin that’s what I need to see.I can understand you might think me sacrificing my son is perhaps inappropriate, but I want to show you my devotion. What about a goat, what if I sacrifice a goat?"
“Abraham if you want to sacrifice a goat to me, then you must do so for your own peace of mind, but somehow, We think that in the end, it will all end in tears”

INSERT FOUND IN LAST PAGES OF ABOVE CHAPTER

The drawing appears to be a caricature of Moses.
This is apparently an early example of a religious cartoon.
It is drawn on vellum and shows evidence of being burnt, perhaps an attempt to destroy it.
It is un dated and the Flemish text reads

"I was speaking to God and then..I fell in."

Chapter IIIV

THE WISDOM OF KING SOLOMON.

The young Prince Solomon was virile and had as his friends said “an eye for the girls”. But young Sol was no fool, he was an astute student of the laws of God as given to the nation by the great patriarch,Moses.
He had seen how in his Father’s life, uncontrolled sexual desires could cause great unhappiness if not death.
The Mosaic laws were clear YOU SHALL NOT COMMIT ADULTERY!
The young Prince already developing into wisdom agreed with the reasoning.
“I shall never take another man’s wife” he declared before the altar of God.
And so it was that when he became King he took to himself many wives.
His wives were short women and tall, dark of skin and light, thin and fat, young and old.
He had so many wives that he slept with some just once a year.
So it was that the wise King Solomon never committed adultory.

From THE BOOK OF APOSTLES

2007-11-01T16:33:00.000+11:00

Pentecost

It was the last wake
I suppose you could say

They were all there
Those who knew him
Had heard him or heard of him

Enthusiastic
Madly so
Hysterical
If you wish to be unkind

Everyone was speaking at once
At each other
past each other

And there was singing - optimistic
And crying
Because he was dead.
Some said he was still alive
They’d seen him
Gone into the sky, others said
Like a cloud
Beyond the clouds

The afternoon merged into the bread and wine filled evening

Flames were lit
Candles
Held above their heads
While they sang and danced
And told the stories over and over again
Each one the same
Though slightly different

The bread and wine were good
Though the wine not as good as at Canaan

But they drank
And talked till nothing made sense
And everyone understood

The new sun rose blood red.

A good night they said
We must do it again.

And they did.

From THE BOOK OF DOUBTS

2007-11-01T16:26:00.002+11:00

Chapter II

GOD'S THOUGHTS ON CREATING MANKIND.

A large tear of disappointment rolled down God’s face, “How could it have got so..what do the Gauls call it, ‘Trieste’?
“When We created the earth was it in a fit of whimsy or smart-arse witticism or idle self-indulgence?
The mighty waters, the mighty land, all that lives in and on the waters and all that
lives under and on the land and all that lives in and on the waters on the land…
Oh shut up” he said “We’re starting to sound like Charlton Heston reciting Homer.
The fact is, when We had finished the project, it all looked pretty good, We were proud of that six day wonder.
Mighty proud!
But that wasn’t enough was it? No! Like a child we wanted to show off.
It wasn’t enough to enjoy it for ourselves, The birdies’ singing for their own sake, if not for ours, wasn’t enough.We needed an audience! Unlike that poor Dutch sod, ‘Vincent’, who was happy enough to go on painting despite the fact no one looked at his work, We needed public praise.
This is what happens when you spend the day off reflecting on how clever you are.
We convinced our selves that we could go one better than monkeys and apes.
Mankind!
We created this creature with a will of its own and it then claims to be in our image.
It gives us names, all kinds of names and shapes.
Then they start fighting each other over the right name and shape.
Then in whatever name they chose, they start beating each other into a pulp,
kill women and children and manifest all kinds of tortures on each other.
They actually appeal to us for help in all their idiotic ambitions and then they are convinced We need appeasement for what they do.
They call out to us in lamentable poetry, they make smoke, as if we need smoke.
As some act of piety they slaughter animals and burn selected bits as some kind of tribute. They have been known to kill each other and worse than, their children on altars dedicated to us.
What tops it all they kill a man who had a lot of good things to say and then claim he was my son and now all is forgiven! So it is with us, the ‘G-D creator” mankind has made fools of us all.

Chapter XI

short statements found on scraps of paper.

God came to earth as Christ?

The history is irrelevant
The parable has the potential.
The fact is not important
The fiction is of consequence

The mystery that is God

God’s existing is a mystery
God’s not existing is a mystery
It is the mystery that is God.

The following prose is somewhat incongruous within this folio as it is attributed to
Jacob Antheunis, who was burnt at the stake on 22 May 1575 in Antwerp as an Anabaptist.
This post dates the writing of Saint Antonius Pocraphal, but in it may have been strongly influenced by his writing and for that reason I have included it (Editor)

In the beginning was the word,
This word
that belongs to no one,
God.

Did he
Who makes a thousand miseries a day,
make the Lamb?

For if he hears the sadness of the world
It is through my ears.
And if he sees the sadness of the world
It is through my eyes.
And if he weeps at the sadness of the world
It is with my tears.

This God,
This word,
That belongs to no one.

Chapter XII

Perhaps “God” came out of a sense of the other?
That is.
Our species became aware first of ourselves as individuals and then the individuality of others.
Rather than seeing ourselves as others see us, we saw ourselves in others and were disappointed,
Thus we granted ourselves a sense of failure.
Not willing to accept ourselves or others as we actually are, we set about a set of aspirations and values outside ourselves.
We set a scale of unattainable goodness, “GOD”.
For ourselves we created failure,expressed as "sin".
We set for ourselves the need for betterment or all would fail.
“The gods look at us and laugh” we said and the rest is history..
"LET US BUILD ANOTHER ALTAR OR BE DAMNED"

From THE BOOK OF RESURRECTION

2007-11-01T16:10:00.001+11:00

The Second Coming.

About three years after ascending into heaven, our Lord returned to earth.

Disguised as an old man carrying a basket of bread, wine and flowers on his head, he knocked on the door of the house where the Disciples were meeting.
"Shalom brothers" He said "I have come with bread, wine and splendid lillies.
Let us eat dance and sing of the new day, let us consider beauty.

"Old man" they said "We have enough bread and we have enough wine, as for singing...
Old man you bring us earthly things,we have more important things to attend to.
We are about the business of the risen Christ. We are the new generation who will see the fulfillment of all things, the Kingdom of God! Christ triumphant on his throne!"
"Take your bread and songs to the market place where they belong".

The door was closed in his face.

When Jesus returned to heaven God asked "How did it go?"
"I suspect" said Jesus taking a bite of bread "My whole mission on earth was a complete waste of time, they didn't understand any of it...I doubt I'll ever go back again".

And so it was that the world missed the second coming.

Chapter 11 page xiii

Saint Antonius writes "A spiritus cameth upon me and spoke "Though I carry the name of the Saint from Assisi I am the voice of times yet to come"
Antonius states that "I can find no revelation in these words for my times but record them for future scholars to meditate upon"

What if
my second coming began quietly with a birth?
Not some celebrity event anticipated in the latest trend magazines
Or discussed on breakfast television.
Between
A promotion for a weight reduction product
And
A sponsorship for the Starving children in Palestine.
But in, anonymous appearance, ordinary.
In an under funded hospital
In a “who the hell would want to live there?” town.

Bethanga, Bellawongarah or Arakoon.

And what if
my name was Jeff or James or Shane or Sharon or Jennifer?

And what if
some decades later I appeared as grist for the evening news mill
With a group of friends.
On your flat screen, opinion on the world.
Marching,
Banners in black and yellow and white hands, raging against injustice.
And corruption.

Chained to a tree.
Shouting obscenities against the obscene
Prejudice and bigotry.

And pushing down the fences.
That lock in those who have, against those who have less.

And what if
on a Sunday morning I mocked your churches and
I lay in the park singing
HOLY, HOLY, HOLY Hypocracy
Lordy God all Blighty.

Or in an anti war march or on ANZAC day shouted
“Those who live by the sword will die by it - Let the dead burry their dead.”

What if
instead of standing for public office or leading some politically active group of serious conservative social conscience, I laughed and played with children
Without the mandatory WWW.justice.vic.gov.au working with Children Clearance.
To prove Kindness and goodness are not guaranteed by law

What if
I raided the bins at the back of the supermarket
Before the bread and fish is dumped in landfill with last weeks
News papers, superseded electrical appliances and discarded Christmas decorations.

What if
my face appeared on the front of the Herald / Sun
As a social nuisance with possible anarchic connections and suspected of
Knowing possible terrorist and counter government organizations.

Arrested and convicted for the good of society.

What if the second coming was like?

Would you recognize me?

Would you be

Disappointed?

From THE BOOK OF THE ACTS OF JESUS

2007-11-01T15:55:00.001+11:00

Chapter VI
JESUS AND THE WOMAN ON THE BEACH

Jesus was sitting on the sand, with his back he was leaning against the hull of an upturned boat.
In another place or another time he might have been smoking a cigarette.
He looked across the water that was as flat and grey as slate.
“You’d almost think you could walk on it” he said to himself.
He noticed a woman was approaching him along the beach, she was about his age and she had the same auburn coloured hair. She was speaking gently to the child she was leading by the hand.
You’re Jesus aren’t you?” she called to him as she came closer.
He nodded his head and waved at the child.
The woman sat down opposite him and looked at him without speaking
“Can I go and play? asked the child, “yes” she said “but don’t go too far”
“You’re the son of God aren’t you?”
Jesus shrugged, “Perhaps” he said.
“Why deny it?” she asked locking her eyes into his.
She turned her head and looked at the child playing on the waters edge
“I believe I am the daughter of God”
Jesus dug his hand into the sand “what makes you think that?”
“Well” she said “I have heard you speak and I have known every thing you say ever since I was a child, I also have the power of healing and that child, I only just found it lying on the beach, dead,
and when I picked it up it came to life, it now believes I’m its mother.”
So I am like you, but I’m not sure what I should do”
Jesus leant towards her, he stretched his hand out but she was just out of reach,
“Don’t do any thing, look after your new found child, if you do any more than that, they’ll kill you”
“Aren’t they going to kill you?” he heard an edge of anger in her voice.
He smiled at her “So…you know that do you?”
“For me its different, I’m a man. When they kill a man they always find a greater cause to do it
For God or Country, for the good of the community, an example to all. Some one must always be seen to have benefited from the death of a man justice, peace. The whole damned world, if it suits their purpose.
But when they kill a woman its for revenge, It’ll be something to do with being hysterical, too forward
Too loud, a prostitute, a single mother, for being, lets be honest” he put both hands too his face, when he pulled them away his eyes were closed, “they will kill you for being a woman”
“You tell them, what I tell them, you do, what I do and they will call you a witch and you are dead”
The woman reached out to him and he held both her hands “Take your new found child and teach it everything you know, you are the love that will save this world – not me”

Peter sat down next to him “Who the hell was that woman and what wrong with your eyes?”
“Oh I just got sand in my eyes and that woman was my sister”
Peter was startled “I didn’t know you had a sister”
Jesus looked into the distance where the woman and the child were walking.
“Nobody does, nobody wants to.”

CHAPTER V1 PGES X11
THE SILENCE ON THE MOUNT

Jesus was sitting on a large rock on the top of a hill.
He sat silently looking past the olive plantation and orange trees into the hazy distance.
Ahead of him were the seas that lead to Rome, to the left the desert that lead to Egypt.
He was sitting at the fulcrum of the future and the past.
He sensed that people were beginning to come up the hill towards him but he remained seated and ignored them.
The silence was broken only momentarily by someone coughing.
“The sick follow me like a shadow” he thought
He saw a goat coming towards him but it turned around and went back down the hill.
The dry grass crackled beneath its feet.

Dust settled
He sensed there were now about forty people sitting behind him.
There were nervous whispers.
There were inaudible words of urgings, of false courage.
A child cried, the sun was overhead and the temperature rising.

“Say something” said a voice hinting at anger.

He sat in silence.
His dusty clothes were the colour of the rocks around him and the one on which he sat.
He sat in silence.
He saw the goat was now chewing a thorn bush.
In ones or twos, or mumbled laughter, He heard them leaving.
He heard the stones under their feet.

He knew no time or place.

The old woman’s face appeared out of the light.
“Thank you” she said
“Thank you young man, I know exactly what you mean”

CHAPTER VIII
THE CANCELLED LAST SUPPER

Antonius apparently wrote this to be included in the everyman plays
but was rejected by the inquisition.

(Jesus is sitting at the middle of a long trestle table. The table is covered with a white cloth
There are several bowls on the table as well as drinking goblets and a basket of bread.
He is drumming his fingers on the table.
A man comes on stage right, he seems to be in a hurry, he is carrying a medium sized money bag.
Which drops on the table.)

Judas: Hello Jesus.

Jesus: Hello Judas,I see you got the money..

(Judas sits down several chairs away on Jesus’left)

Judas: Yep.

(Both sit in silence. Jesus looks from side to side then at where Judas is playing with his finger nails)

Jesus: Where are the others?

(Judas grunts)

Jesus: Where are the others, where is every one?

Judas: What others?

Jesus: The others, the other disciples you idiot.

Judas : Oh the others ..not, eh, here

Jesus: I can see that! Where are they?

Judas : Thomas wasn’t sure he could make it and the others are. (He shrugs) Fishing

Jesus: What the..? Fishing? We’ve been planning this for months and they go fishing! What is the matter with you lot? Didn’t they go fishing this morning?

Judas: Yes ,,but they had to go back because of the men they caught.

Jesus: Men? What men? Why were they catching men?

Judas: They didn’t mean to, it’s just that there were these two guys floating out at sea with these inflated pig bladders and they’d been swept out to sea, so they called to the gang..

Jesus: The what..the gang?

Judas: Yeah! Peter and James and the ..all of us

Jesus: Judas, we are not a gang!

Judas: What ever,,,any how they picked em up and took them back to shore and went back out to go fishing.

Jesus: (quietly shaking his head) Unbelievable , unbelievable.
So, were they planning to be here?

Judas: Well yes, but if they were late they would pick up something to eat on the way.

Jesus: OK that’s it. Forget it. The whole thing is a farce

Judas: What do you mean? We can still ..you know… do it.

Jesus: Do what?

Judas: You know. What you had planned.We could eat something …or not.
We could just go to Gethsemane the two of us. They know you’re coming,
See… I got the ….(he points to the bag)

Jesus: Judas if you think that I’m going out there, just the two of us, you are madder than I thought.

Judas: What difference would it make?

Jesus: What difference..?

Judas : You’d still get caught and all that stuff.

Jesus : OK Great I’d still get caught and all that stuff .as you put it
While the Gang ,, as you call it, are out fishing or buying take away.
What do you think Pontius would think of that? Judas you idiot ..We are trying to change the world here…

Judas: Alright, alright, keep your wig on…

Jesus: Shut up ! I’m not wearing a wig.

Judas: (drinks from one of the cups) This is water, I thought we were having wine.

Jesus: Judas!..The..night ..is ..young!

(Both sit sulking)

Judas: Well what now..?

Jesus: Its off! Its all off! Cancelled, kaput,
You can forget the whole thing. Tell the others -
The Gang! We’ll try again next year.

Judas: Next Year? Next Year? What about the money ..the money and every one is waiting at Gethsemane, what’ll I tell them.

Jesus: Tell them nothing…. and give them back the money. Or spend it
That’s what you always do…

Judas: That is not fair!! Everyone always says that and it’s not true!
I keep records of everything I spend. Some one else should try being treasurer
That tax jerk should do it he’s got a head for figures.

Jesus: Yeah.. what ever. Just go do what you have to.

Judas: Its not hard to get sick of all this! No one appreciates what I do.
(He stands up and picks up the bag and leaves)I suppose you’ll be at your mothers.

Jesus: There’s nowhere else to go.... bunch of idiots
( He sighs and pulls off his wig)

MANUSCRIPT ILLUMINATION page XXXIIV

THE DAY JESUS SET THE CHURCH ON FIRE.

A mysterious reference to both the Crucifixion and Ascension of our Lord

ChapterIX

JESUS EXPLAINS THE MIRACLES

“Ok” said Thomas, “ How do you do it?”
“Do what?” asked Jesus, looking up into the tree they were lying under, wondering where the hell the figs were.
“The miracles …how do you do the miracle thing?”
“This damned tree” said Jesus, “Miracles? I don’t do miracles!”
“Give over brother” said James, sitting up, “We’ve seen you do it, the wine, the bread, the healed sick”
“I don’t do any of that” said Jesus resentfully pulling bits of bark off the tree.
“I saw all the bread and fish” said Judas “and as sure as hell,I didn’t buy any”
Jesus sat up and pulled a face, he let out a sigh and opened his eyes. “Now here is how it is, and I must say it astounds me you guys don’t get it, I fear for the future
I can see walls tumbling down…… There are no ‘miracles’, there never have been and there never will be. What you call ‘miracles’ is just human nature excelling itself or feeding off its own expectations.”
Andrew pulled at his beard, “What about the wine you made?”
“ I didn’t make wine!..you guys were so drunk, you would have drunk anything and did.” They all laughed “Well” said Andrew “It did taste good!”
“Exactly” laughed Jesus “You got what you wanted”
Peter stood up, brushing the dust off his legs, he said crossly “And the bread and the fish?
You are going to say there wasn’t any, and you didn’t make the bread and the fish?”
“Sit down Peter and listen” Jesus folded his hands “Here’s how it works.
Remember, one of you said there was nothing to eat and everyone was hungry, you asked around and everyone played dumb…so out comes that poor Samaritan family with the bread and fish, they say “Sir maybe we can help” and next thing no one is going to be out done and everyone is helping..I didn’t do any thing ..any one of you could have done it and chances are you will”
“But” said Thomas “there are still the sick you healed…If you didn’t do that, who did?
They hardly did it themselves!”
“Wrong!” Laughed Jesus “That’s exactly what they did..all they needed was permission” I said to them “go for it - you are free to chose, forgiven if you wish”
Peter looked astounded “That’s it? The miracles are just people doing it themselves?”
“Of course it is, you silly man” growled Jesus “ What do you think I’ve been telling you the last two years?”
“It seems a little disappointing” mumbled Mark.
“The Good and Simple things in life always are, Mark” said Jesus.
He stood up and looked at the empty tree.. “and as for you….”

CHAPTER XII

JESUS AND A YOUNG MAN

A young man carrying a harp approached Jesus, “Can I ask you a question?” he said.
“Sure” said Jesus “Sit down”. The young man sat down and lent the harp against his leg. Jesus nodded at the harp, “You’re name’s not David is it?” “No” said the young man “its Gabriel”. Jesus smiled “Maybe you should play a trumpet”
“I do” said Gabriel “I’m a musician and I travel from town to town” “Like me “ said Jesus “Now what did you want to ask me?”
The young man looked down and touched the top of his harp, “Last week I heard you talking about ‘being born again’..I was wondering if I was born again would I be different from what I am now…would I be some one else?”
Jesus shrugged “Do you want to be some one else?” “Not really” said Gabriel.
Jesus looked him in the face “Well you must want some thing ..say what you want.”
“I want every thing and I want nothing – I want to be God and I want to be the Devil
To be able to do good and to be able to do evil – to live as I am. I know I’m asking you a question, but I don’t want an answer, as such. You seem to have a different view on life, you’re a bit like most of the musicians I know, you seem happy to improvise and bugger the mistakes. The ‘sin thing’ is what I don’t get..I know I’ve done wrong and sometimes I’ve made up for it and other times not, but what goes around comes around. Surely God can’t blame us for being what we are? Didn’t he make us this way? I try very hard not to hurt others…. that’s how I make my choices,
In fact it’s probably the only choice I make.”
There was a pause and a donkey standing nearby in the sun snuffed the dust..
Jesus scratched his beard “ So why do you ask about being born again?”
“Because” said the young man picking up his harp and rubbing the wood ‘ you said it was the only way to get into the Kingdom of God”
“Agh!” Said Jesus “the kingdom of God ..wouldn’t we all”
“I‘ll tell you something Gabriel, I suspect you’re already there, but don’t know it.
Listen my friend – if I may call you that – How would you like to be one of my, shall we say ‘disciples’?” Gabriel looked down in embarrassment “Well” he mumbled “I’ve got gigs planned and I rather enjoy what I’m doing” Jesus laughed “ the thought of you giving me harp lessons doesn’t temp you! Lets do a swap, you give me a free ticket to your next concert and I’ll give you a ticket to the kingdom of heaven!”
Jesus stood up, “Before you go lets move that donkey into the shade”